Procrastination is a crime...
I have been working on my latest novel, Zix, and reached the halfway point. And, right on schedule, I have decided that all 50k words are crap.
This happens with every novel I work on. The only exception is my very first novel attempt which hit over 100k before I took a serious look at it. I was very unoriginal and full of myself. Now, I'm able to keep momentum going until about the halfway mark and then I panic. I look back and see all the errors. And I'm torn between wanting to fix them all, or running away from it and starting something new, untainted by the reality of actually writing it all down.
On the one hand it's nice to know that this is normal for me. Having actually gotten full drafts of two novels, I know that what I have to do is slog on through. In another 25k things will look less horrible and I'll be able to use the brief burst of optimism to finish the rest. I just have to get over all these lingering doubts that haunt the 50k mark.
Of course, these doubts mean I haven't written in two days. Two days aint bad, but two days often leads to a week which leads to me questioning my writerly ways. Since I've finished one novel in each of the past two years I want to finish another one this year. Before November, to be more accurate, because that's when NaNo begins. But, on the other hand, it might be more productive to go back to one of those full novels and go my merry way rewriting them. Buuut does that mean I'm a crap writer if I wrote 100k in new novel material this year but that 100k is from two 50k half completed novels? I know it doesn't, but it rankles anyway.
In another news, school starts next week. I'm both excited and terrified about it. First off, I decided to audition for one of the school's wind ensembles. The problem here is that the only one that works with my schedule for the first semester is their top ensemble. This means I have to beat out music majors. I was in the top ensemble at The Beach, then went and got a masters in performance, so I think I can do it, but I haven't been practicing much at all this past year. The excerpts I've chosen are cool, but I worry about freaking out and/or bombing the sight reading. Aw well, I guess if I don't get in the ensemble I can buy me some solo literature to work on.
I'm also a little anxious about the classes I'll be taking. They're all teacher classes, so they should be very straightforward and easy. It's not the material I'm worried about, it's my classmates. I want to get along with them since I know that there will probably be group projects and such. I also don't want to feel old. Since these are night classes though there should be plenty of students who don't have that barely out of high school look, so I'm probably worrying about nothing on that front.
And that's all I'm talking about today. This is actually procrastination from writing. I should stop doing that because it seldom helps the situation. It sure is easier, though.
This happens with every novel I work on. The only exception is my very first novel attempt which hit over 100k before I took a serious look at it. I was very unoriginal and full of myself. Now, I'm able to keep momentum going until about the halfway mark and then I panic. I look back and see all the errors. And I'm torn between wanting to fix them all, or running away from it and starting something new, untainted by the reality of actually writing it all down.
On the one hand it's nice to know that this is normal for me. Having actually gotten full drafts of two novels, I know that what I have to do is slog on through. In another 25k things will look less horrible and I'll be able to use the brief burst of optimism to finish the rest. I just have to get over all these lingering doubts that haunt the 50k mark.
Of course, these doubts mean I haven't written in two days. Two days aint bad, but two days often leads to a week which leads to me questioning my writerly ways. Since I've finished one novel in each of the past two years I want to finish another one this year. Before November, to be more accurate, because that's when NaNo begins. But, on the other hand, it might be more productive to go back to one of those full novels and go my merry way rewriting them. Buuut does that mean I'm a crap writer if I wrote 100k in new novel material this year but that 100k is from two 50k half completed novels? I know it doesn't, but it rankles anyway.
In another news, school starts next week. I'm both excited and terrified about it. First off, I decided to audition for one of the school's wind ensembles. The problem here is that the only one that works with my schedule for the first semester is their top ensemble. This means I have to beat out music majors. I was in the top ensemble at The Beach, then went and got a masters in performance, so I think I can do it, but I haven't been practicing much at all this past year. The excerpts I've chosen are cool, but I worry about freaking out and/or bombing the sight reading. Aw well, I guess if I don't get in the ensemble I can buy me some solo literature to work on.
I'm also a little anxious about the classes I'll be taking. They're all teacher classes, so they should be very straightforward and easy. It's not the material I'm worried about, it's my classmates. I want to get along with them since I know that there will probably be group projects and such. I also don't want to feel old. Since these are night classes though there should be plenty of students who don't have that barely out of high school look, so I'm probably worrying about nothing on that front.
And that's all I'm talking about today. This is actually procrastination from writing. I should stop doing that because it seldom helps the situation. It sure is easier, though.
posted by Trintara at 1:54 AM
2 Comments:
Re: your classmates - yes, there will likely be many older students. No worries on that front!
Good luck with the wind ensemble! I've been thinking about auditioning for the master chorale out here just to see if I can get in, though I'm not sure I have the time.... If we don't challenge ourselves, who will?
Back to the writing with you!
Procrastination... I has it too.
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